hahahaha being a freshman, i remember that one quite well from 4th or 5th grade lol quite funny at the time
Archived: Want to hear a Joke?
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Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/14/10 10:14 pm | #76
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Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/14/10 10:26 pm | #77
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Correct me if I get this wrong because I really don't know how this one goes but here it is.
There are two cakes in the oven.
One says to the other, "Man is it getting got in here or is that just me?"
The other one says, "Holy SHIT its a talking cake!"
I dont really think its that short but I guess that sums it up.
There are two cakes in the oven.
One says to the other, "Man is it getting got in here or is that just me?"
The other one says, "Holy SHIT its a talking cake!"
I dont really think its that short but I guess that sums it up.
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/14/10 11:51 pm | #78
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There was a man and a women who just got married. The first thing the women did was go out and buy a big chest to put at the end of their bed. She wore the key to the chest around her neck so her husband would never be able to go into it.
After 50 years of marriage the husband finally broke down and pleaded with his wife to tell him what was in the chest. The wife finally obliged his pleading and opened the chest. When she did this there were 2 ears of corn and about 60,000 dollars in cash.
Dumbfounded, the husband asked, "what's with the corn, the cash I could understand, but the corn"?
She replied, "well every time I cheated on you I would buy an ear of corn".
The husband thought to himself that after 50 years of marriage, her only cheating on him twice was fairly good.
She then explained, "after I had enough corn for a bushel I would sell it".
After 50 years of marriage the husband finally broke down and pleaded with his wife to tell him what was in the chest. The wife finally obliged his pleading and opened the chest. When she did this there were 2 ears of corn and about 60,000 dollars in cash.
Dumbfounded, the husband asked, "what's with the corn, the cash I could understand, but the corn"?
She replied, "well every time I cheated on you I would buy an ear of corn".
The husband thought to himself that after 50 years of marriage, her only cheating on him twice was fairly good.
She then explained, "after I had enough corn for a bushel I would sell it".
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/15/10 1:02 am | #79
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Another Little Johnnie joke lol
Spoiler: Click here to toggle spoiler
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
Re: Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/15/10 1:04 am | #80
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Quote by Detreth:
Another Little Johnnie joke lol
Spoiler: Click here to toggle spoiler
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
Lol, that's a good one.
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/15/10 12:28 pm | #82
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idk why i just find dirty jokes hillarious
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/16/10 5:12 am | #83
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Alright here we go...
George had a miserable time of it the lake, with not so much as a single nibble all. On his way home, he stopped at the fish market and ordered catfish. "Pick out four big ones and throw them at me," he told the fish monger.
"Why would you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to be able to tell my wife I caught them," replied George.
"In that case, I think you should take the salmon."
"Why's that?" George asked a bit perplexed.
"Because your wife came in and said that if you stopped by, she'd prefer salmon for dinner tonight."
And a quick one...
A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve ham sandwiches."
The sandwich says, "That's okay, I just want a beer."
I got plenty more I may do if I feel like typing
George had a miserable time of it the lake, with not so much as a single nibble all. On his way home, he stopped at the fish market and ordered catfish. "Pick out four big ones and throw them at me," he told the fish monger.
"Why would you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to be able to tell my wife I caught them," replied George.
"In that case, I think you should take the salmon."
"Why's that?" George asked a bit perplexed.
"Because your wife came in and said that if you stopped by, she'd prefer salmon for dinner tonight."
And a quick one...
A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve ham sandwiches."
The sandwich says, "That's okay, I just want a beer."
I got plenty more I may do if I feel like typing
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/18/10 1:02 am | #84
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How do you keep an idiot in suspense???
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
01/18/10 3:45 pm | #85
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i love this one xD
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."
The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Ya, that vill be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, " ya."
The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."
The German snapped, "Nein! Ve think you are trying to escape!."
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."
The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Ya, that vill be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, " ya."
The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."
The German snapped, "Nein! Ve think you are trying to escape!."
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
05/27/11 8:52 am | #87
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A Navy SEAL walks into a bar. He tells the bar tender; "I want a Bin Laden."
The bar tender says; "I don't know what that is. How do you mix it?"
The SEAL says; "Its easy, two shots and a splash."
The bar tender says; "I don't know what that is. How do you mix it?"
The SEAL says; "Its easy, two shots and a splash."
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
05/27/11 9:46 am | #88
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Wanna hear a joke?
Womens rights.
(JUST KIDDING!!!!) But seriously, My mom told me to look at life through a womans point of a view, so I went into the kitchen and stared out the window.
Womens rights.
(JUST KIDDING!!!!) But seriously, My mom told me to look at life through a womans point of a view, so I went into the kitchen and stared out the window.
Re: Re: Want to hear a Joke?
05/27/11 11:01 am | #89
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Quote by Austin:
Correct me if I get this wrong because I really don't know how this one goes but here it is.
There are two cakes in the oven.
One says to the other, "Man is it getting got in here or is that just me?"
The other one says, "Holy SHIT its a talking cake!"
I dont really think its that short but I guess that sums it up.
There are two cakes in the oven.
One says to the other, "Man is it getting got in here or is that just me?"
The other one says, "Holy SHIT its a talking cake!"
I dont really think its that short but I guess that sums it up.
Nope thats the joke and it's one of my favorites
Re: Want to hear a Joke?
05/27/11 6:04 pm | #90
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Here's a dirty joke involving nuns:
Spoiler: Click here to toggle spoiler
A bus full of nuns is driving down the road. The bus flips over and they all die. The nuns are standing at the pearly gates when they are approached by St. Peter. "Ok ladies, I have one question to ask you. If you answer it honestly I will let you in."
He walks up the the first nun. "Sally, have you ever touched a penis?" She replies " I have never touched a penis." So he lets her in.
He walks up to the next nun. "Sue, same question." She replies, "Just once, but only with the tip of my finger." "Ok" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in this holy water, then go on in.
He walks up the the next nun. "Ok Kathy, same question." She replies, " I've held one once, but that was it." "Ok, dip your hand in this holy water then go on in
As he is approaching the next nun, he hears a commotion coming from the back of the line, and a nun running towards him. " Whats wrong Sara?", St Peter asks her. She replies, " Well, if I'm gonna have to gargle that water, I wanna do it before she sticks her ass in it.
