Archived: Marriage...
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Re: Marriage...
01/23/09 11:56 pm | #18
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congrats, shock and sham! 
Re: Re: Marriage...
01/24/09 12:10 am | #20
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Quote by PSORaine:
lol it's not always that simple, Noah... When you've been hurt before because you listened to your heart instead of your head, it makes you more cautious. It means you think about stuff like "should we get married or is living together enough?"
I always considered myself a marrying kind of woman. I figured "if he doesn't marry me, he doesn't love me" and I'd move on if he wasn't ready right off the bat.
Ironically, I read recently that stuff like "rushing into a serious relationship" and saying things like "I've never felt this way about anyone else" are on the list of 28 signs of an abuser.
Anyway, what I've learned from my experiences- as well as watching the drama that is a TRAINWRECK marriage hitting the skids from a bystander POV, is I'd rather live with Evol the rest of my life not being married to him than marry anyone else in the world.
If he wants to get married, I will. I'm not so jaded yet. We'll have a big Vegas wedding, and you'll all be invited. But... if he doesn't... well I'm in it for the long haul either way. I'd rather be together unmarried for the right reasons than married for the wrong reasons.
I always considered myself a marrying kind of woman. I figured "if he doesn't marry me, he doesn't love me" and I'd move on if he wasn't ready right off the bat.
Ironically, I read recently that stuff like "rushing into a serious relationship" and saying things like "I've never felt this way about anyone else" are on the list of 28 signs of an abuser.
Anyway, what I've learned from my experiences- as well as watching the drama that is a TRAINWRECK marriage hitting the skids from a bystander POV, is I'd rather live with Evol the rest of my life not being married to him than marry anyone else in the world.
If he wants to get married, I will. I'm not so jaded yet. We'll have a big Vegas wedding, and you'll all be invited. But... if he doesn't... well I'm in it for the long haul either way. I'd rather be together unmarried for the right reasons than married for the wrong reasons.
alright, i have been hurt before. i was younger, granted, but i know what it feels like. shit, my first REAL girlfriend cheated on me on our one year anniversary hahah. i don't know how to put it, to be honest. yeah, i've never felt the way i feel about jen about any other woman. cliche', i know, but it's true. and the fact remains that we're not still at that "oh my god butterflies i can't go to the bathroom without having the door shut" point. i don't know, i don't just think of jen as my wife. i think of her as me, if that sounds normal lol. she's the only woman i think about, and even thinking about my life with someone else depresses me. horribly.
and not to call out evol, but if you love someone as much as i love my wife, wouldn't you marry them if they wanted to? it's not like it's going to be an inconvenience to him to sign some papers and slap a ring on his finger. the thing is, YOU want to get married. you've told me that. if you're okay with him not wanting to, that's fine. none of my business. i just don't understand where all the doubt and statistics are coming from.
even if the divorce rate was 99%, i still would have married jen.
Re: Marriage...
01/24/09 12:22 am | #22
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i certainly wasn't saying marriage should be rushed lol.
i had no prior knowledge of how long you two had been together. that really doesn't matter.
i'm just trying to say it's worth it. forget statistics. you'll know it's real when it's real.
i had no prior knowledge of how long you two had been together. that really doesn't matter.
i'm just trying to say it's worth it. forget statistics. you'll know it's real when it's real.
Re: Marriage...
01/24/09 1:04 am | #24
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Like Noah 9000 stated, you'll know it's real when it's real
Re: Marriage...
01/24/09 8:07 am | #25
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Well i guess its time for the Crooklynmayo to chime in on this post:
In my 32 years of experience on this planet, I seen a lot of different views and end results when it comes to the intuition of marriage.
For one I have to very close friends that have been together for the last 6 years sharing everything a man and woman would by being married (a home, kids, money, life insurance, etc.) by without going down the aisle. about a year ago they decided to take the plunge and get married had a ceremony and everything and they seem happy at first but the process seem to change them in some way. Now they are on their way to getting a divorce.
Now this was one view on marriage, but I come to believe that this is something that is all in the eye of the beholder, meaning DO WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU. I think EVERYONE should have the right to get married if they chose to whether they are black, white, gay, or lesbian, it shouldn't be held as a exclusive club that only certain people with certain views, standards and morals should be allowed in.
It s is true what Noah 9000 stated and Jake second the motion, "you'll know its real when its real" but remember just because you reach the point in the relationship when you know its real, your partner might not be at the same level. Food for thought
In my 32 years of experience on this planet, I seen a lot of different views and end results when it comes to the intuition of marriage.
For one I have to very close friends that have been together for the last 6 years sharing everything a man and woman would by being married (a home, kids, money, life insurance, etc.) by without going down the aisle. about a year ago they decided to take the plunge and get married had a ceremony and everything and they seem happy at first but the process seem to change them in some way. Now they are on their way to getting a divorce.
Now this was one view on marriage, but I come to believe that this is something that is all in the eye of the beholder, meaning DO WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU. I think EVERYONE should have the right to get married if they chose to whether they are black, white, gay, or lesbian, it shouldn't be held as a exclusive club that only certain people with certain views, standards and morals should be allowed in.
It s is true what Noah 9000 stated and Jake second the motion, "you'll know its real when its real" but remember just because you reach the point in the relationship when you know its real, your partner might not be at the same level. Food for thought
Re: Marriage...
01/24/09 10:06 am | #26
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If you have to ask why get married, then you're not ready for it.
Re: Marriage...
01/24/09 12:04 pm | #28
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After going through failed marriages as you Raine...and Evol witnessing all these marriages failing, I think it is normal to ask "why get married"...The "if you dont know why get married your not ready for it" is probably the most ignorant thing anyone has put in this thread. Marriage is a big step and its not something to enter into lightly, you need to make sure your getting married for the right reasons.
I love Charity to death, I know it sounds weird but I don't see other women anymore....I use to go through the mall like "damn she is hot" about other girls, go to places just to scope girls out...But now I am happy as a pig in shit just sitting home with my wife chilling out...not doing a damn thing, because I have all I need right beside me. I don't see women the way I use to, because in my eyes my wife is the most beautiful woman out there, and I could care less if anyone thinks differently. We both said that once we got married it was for good, none of this divorce bullshit. We are going to put in work to make this marriage work. I was very happy to see Noah and Jake post what they did because now I can be sentimental, haha!
I can tell that Evol has done you a lot of good Raine and I am extremely happy for the two of you, and I can understand the way you two feel about marriage...but it really is a wonderful thing...Some people don't....but a lot more people do agree...maybe for reasons you don't agree with, but they feel that marriage is a wonderful thing...It can be hard at times and don't let anyone say different. I'm with noah though, if your happy....and you love each other to death and trust each other whole-heartedly.........why not?
and yes....its.....that......simple
I love Charity to death, I know it sounds weird but I don't see other women anymore....I use to go through the mall like "damn she is hot" about other girls, go to places just to scope girls out...But now I am happy as a pig in shit just sitting home with my wife chilling out...not doing a damn thing, because I have all I need right beside me. I don't see women the way I use to, because in my eyes my wife is the most beautiful woman out there, and I could care less if anyone thinks differently. We both said that once we got married it was for good, none of this divorce bullshit. We are going to put in work to make this marriage work. I was very happy to see Noah and Jake post what they did because now I can be sentimental, haha!
I can tell that Evol has done you a lot of good Raine and I am extremely happy for the two of you, and I can understand the way you two feel about marriage...but it really is a wonderful thing...Some people don't....but a lot more people do agree...maybe for reasons you don't agree with, but they feel that marriage is a wonderful thing...It can be hard at times and don't let anyone say different. I'm with noah though, if your happy....and you love each other to death and trust each other whole-heartedly.........why not?
and yes....its.....that......simple
Re: Marriage...
01/24/09 1:11 pm | #30
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Well even though I have been through a divorce (and a not fun one at that), I would say it is worth it to be married. Since I was a little more careful this time around I have the most wonderful wife whom I can't stand to be away from.
I think the problem is in people's perceptions.... Many people get married expecting the other person to stay the same, and others get married hoping marriage will change the other person. While the latter may happen, no one should get married expecting it to happen. People will change and they may not change exactly as you hoped or would like.
My mistake was marrying hoping the other person would change, I was very wrong. I think it also hurts marriages that some people have the wrong conception of love - I think that people only see love as this warm fuzzy feeling they get when they meet someone they like. I think that real love is caring about the other person more than yourself - even if that other person hurts you. I think this is the hardest thing in the world to do depending on the hurt, but I think if more people went into marriage or even very serious relationships with the resolve to love the other person even if they turn into a psycho it would end in less divorce (with some psychos there is no other option but divorce).
Counting both marriages I have been married 8 years, I know I am no means an expert. But I will say this, in my three years of my second marriage I have not had a single fight with the wife. Not one. No we don't hide our feelings from each other, we talk about them. We agree to disagree on certain issues. I think we both have unique personalities and life experiences that allow us to do this - my wife is fairly laid back and I hate to be wrong, but I also have been through a lot of crap in life and realize its not always worth it. I think I am incredibly lucky to have met someone as wonderful as her.
I will not post here all the crap that I went through with my ex. Suffice it to say I had every reason to leave her, hate her, etc. I tried to stick with her, but treated her terribly...she may have deserved it for some things, but I wonder if I had not done so, would she have left? (the answer is probably yes, it just would have taken longer)
I have resolved myself to be with my wife until death do us part. I made a vow on our wedding day, and I wrote my own vows and I will not leave my wife no matter what. If she gets fat and ugly, if she turns into a psycho, if she cheats on me. I love her that much and I hope I wont have to deal with any reason to want to leave her, but I also hope I have the resolve to not leave even if its tough. I guess that's my opinion of what a marriage should be.... Right or wrong its the way I am and hope to always be
So I guess its all perception, If you feel marriage should be this blissful perfect thing all the time, I would recommend not being married. Its not realistic. If you go into it with the knowledge that it will be hard at times, I think its the best thing in the world to do. I couldn't be happier even though there have been some tough times already in this marriage...
Now I go back to doing manual labor to put food on the table
I think the problem is in people's perceptions.... Many people get married expecting the other person to stay the same, and others get married hoping marriage will change the other person. While the latter may happen, no one should get married expecting it to happen. People will change and they may not change exactly as you hoped or would like.
My mistake was marrying hoping the other person would change, I was very wrong. I think it also hurts marriages that some people have the wrong conception of love - I think that people only see love as this warm fuzzy feeling they get when they meet someone they like. I think that real love is caring about the other person more than yourself - even if that other person hurts you. I think this is the hardest thing in the world to do depending on the hurt, but I think if more people went into marriage or even very serious relationships with the resolve to love the other person even if they turn into a psycho it would end in less divorce (with some psychos there is no other option but divorce).
Counting both marriages I have been married 8 years, I know I am no means an expert. But I will say this, in my three years of my second marriage I have not had a single fight with the wife. Not one. No we don't hide our feelings from each other, we talk about them. We agree to disagree on certain issues. I think we both have unique personalities and life experiences that allow us to do this - my wife is fairly laid back and I hate to be wrong, but I also have been through a lot of crap in life and realize its not always worth it. I think I am incredibly lucky to have met someone as wonderful as her.
I will not post here all the crap that I went through with my ex. Suffice it to say I had every reason to leave her, hate her, etc. I tried to stick with her, but treated her terribly...she may have deserved it for some things, but I wonder if I had not done so, would she have left? (the answer is probably yes, it just would have taken longer)
I have resolved myself to be with my wife until death do us part. I made a vow on our wedding day, and I wrote my own vows and I will not leave my wife no matter what. If she gets fat and ugly, if she turns into a psycho, if she cheats on me. I love her that much and I hope I wont have to deal with any reason to want to leave her, but I also hope I have the resolve to not leave even if its tough. I guess that's my opinion of what a marriage should be.... Right or wrong its the way I am and hope to always be
So I guess its all perception, If you feel marriage should be this blissful perfect thing all the time, I would recommend not being married. Its not realistic. If you go into it with the knowledge that it will be hard at times, I think its the best thing in the world to do. I couldn't be happier even though there have been some tough times already in this marriage...
Now I go back to doing manual labor to put food on the table
