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Would You Like to Play a Game? February's Community Spotlight
Interview | February 1, 2014 4:50 pm
By Moo Lissa
So... AJ is arguably the busiest person alive and has asked me to step in to publish a masterful question and answer session he conducted with our very own Vermillion Haze.
I can do that.
I can also do other things, like cook authentic Chinese food, bake some incredible marshmallow cupcakes and juggle changing diapers and boosting sessions. I'm pretty sure that I can communicate with animals, and I can laugh fluently in 15 languages. I can read and watch tv and carry on a conversation at the same time. And I can find pants that fit your waist, hips and length. Ok- that last one is a lie, you'll have to choose 2 of those things, no way you're getting all 3.
But AJ isn't asking for any of those things (his loss). He was very specific in his instructions- he just wants me to publish his interview. Which I will do...
After a game of "Vermillion Haze or YouTube Troll?"
Here's how it works. I'll list a subject and 2 quotes on said subject. One quote will be from Haze, and the other from a random dude on YouTube. You guess which is which and the answers will be revealed throughout the interview. The prize is knowing how Haze thinks. Woo. Ok? Ok. So let's play.
First topic: Shia LaBeouf gets in a bar fight.
Quote 1: "Shia(feminine first name) LeBeouf finds out street fighting is nothing like movie fighting...what a retard."
Quote 2: "I like how his posse go right to "Holding Shia Back" like he was gonna do something. Opposed to going after the guy."
Second topic: On Anne Hathaway as Cat Woman.
Quote 1: "in my humble opinion Hathaway could not act her way out of a paper bag."
Quote 2: "anne is by far the WORST. I don't understand why they couldnt just get abetter actress"
Third topic: Hockey vs Baseball:
Quote 1: "Seriously, who likes hockey? I can never like any sports played on ice."
Quote 2: "Can I borrow your time machine so I can watch 1970's hockey too? I hear the broad street bullies were pretty tough."
Fourth topic: Minecraft:
Quote 1: "..Minecraft is boring as ****..."
Quote 2: "everybody is know that terraria is better but they dont want to see minefart fail..."
Fifth topic: Deadly Premonition:
Quote 1: "This game is perfect and anyone who disagrees with me is racist."
Quote 2: "Deadly Premonition is one of the best survival horror games of this generation"
And... That's it! Wasn't that fun?
What follows is the interview, published in its entirety, punctuated by pictures of Haze that his mom sent me out of her photo album. Seriously. These are legit pics from the source. Awesome, right?
YOU'RE WELCOME, XBOXAMERICA!!!
And now... The interview!
AJ: Well. Who are you?
Haze: According to Wikipedia i'm classified as primate. Unique for my bipedal locomotion and Tetris skills. I believe ones enemies are best qualified to define you best. In this regard i'm probably thought of as a condescending asshole with a sharp wit. I tend to be brutally honest and don't forgive easily. A good amount of my effort each day goes into working on my character flaws. I have spent most of my adult life either escaping into a virtual world or trying to make this one a better place. I come from a long line of military veterans and continued the tradition for 8 years of my life. I'm not sure what I learned about the world during my career but it taught me I don't break as easily as most. I could ramble on forever but I suppose i'm just a game addict with a bad attitude who tries to improve himself each day. That's who I am at the present time.
I like how his posse go right to "Holding Shia Back" like he was gonna do something. Opposed to going after the guy.
-Vermillion Haze on Shia LeFloof's Canadian brawl.
AJ: Hmm. Interesting. Do you really have any Tetris skills? My only experience with the game was on a TI-86 and TI-89 in high school. I'm not a fan... Not a fast enough pace for me.
What branch of the military were you in and what was your favorite and least favorite part of your 8 years of service? You made it sound like you're out now, if so, what made you decide to give it up?
Haze: Ah yes Tetris. The greatest gift the Soviet Union ever gave us this side of Maria Sharapova. It came with the original Gameboy and was a godsend anytime I was stuck at Grandma's house for the weekend. I'm fairly confident in my skills. It's too bad MLG does not have a league for it yet.
A snapshot shortly before the end of Haze's best Tetris game ever.
I was in the Army. My favorite part? It's kind of a cliche answer but i'd have to say the lifelong friends I made and overall brotherhood I experienced. It's easy to say your closest pals would take a bullet for you. It's another thing to know it for a fact. My least favorite part was the politics and misuse of lives. I won't go into this much but suffice to say it's a different Army now then when my great grandfather was kicking Nazi ass in the 40's.
Photo from Haze's one man show during his army years... A different Army indeed.
I let my contract run out awhile back and remain undecided about the future. I joined at 17 and needed the change of pace. If I was to enlist again i'd basically be committing to what i'd do for the rest of my life. It's a big decision.
AJ: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You have friends?!? But seriously, I couldn't do it. It just doesn't appeal to me and I'm not too keen on following any type of orders. I'd go awol, then get thrown in Guantanamo for selling secrets to Iraqis for knock off XB1 swag. It just wouldn't go well for me.
And I hear that on deciding what you want to do with the rest of your life, I've been out of college for a few years now and still don't know what I want to do.
I know you have extensive opinions on franchises and games from all over the console spectrum (if anyone reading this doesn't believe me, I'll bump all those threads at your request), but if you had to pick just one single player game and one multiplayer game, which games would you choose and why?
in my humble opinion Hathaway could not act her way out of a paper bag.
-Vermillion Haze on Anne Hathaway
Haze: That's understandable! The military is definitely not for everyone. I'm not even sure if it was for me in the Bush years. I'd much rather have been following Patton into Normandy in 1944 making a difference. As for Guantanamo Bay? Well I guess that's better then getting exiled to New Jersey. At least you can retain some shred of dignity in prison. Just don't challenge your cell mate to a game of Trials HD.
Prior to serving in the military, Haze's mom says he was a White House intern and even took President Clinton to his senior prom!
If somehow you selling government secrets happens to cause a nuclear holocaust situation and I get two games to bring to the vault to either preserve or play with fellow survivors for the rest of my days i'd have to go with...
Suikoden II - Perhaps the closest to perfection a JRPG can get. It came out in 1999 and has impacted my love of video games more than any other title to date. It's so rare now I keep it in a floor safe when I go out of town.
Diablo II: Lord of Destruction - I probably logged more hours on that game then sleep in a 2-3 year period. It's difficult to find a more flawless co-op experience. I still play it on my PC more then modern alternatives.
Can I borrow your time machine so I can watch 1970's hockey too? I hear the broad street bullies were pretty tough.
-Vermillion Haze responding to Snapple Cap's comment on hockey
AJ (after lengthy delay): It's been a while since I've been able to get to this between holidays, my birthday coming up (hint hint), gaming, and work. But I'm back! Shooting for a February 1st publishing (everyone can laugh at me if I'm late).
I have never played either of those games. I'm sure Meta's dumbass will chime in about both (after he Google searches them).
So, how'd you find XBA and what keeps you coming back. It surely isn't me...
Haze: Give Meta some credit. He will YouTube the cutscenes THEN google it to fill in the blanks. Same concept as a IGN game review.
As for what keeps me logging on after all these years? I enjoy our close knit community of nerds, rejects and assholes.Seriously though I have had the pleasure of gaming with some remarkable people (and some borderline psychopaths) because of Xbox America. If that's not worth at least 10 minutes of my time i'm not sure what is...
Oh and I get to troll my threads and laugh at my own jokes. Which is pretty priceless IMO.
According to his mom, Haze began his internet trolling at a very young age...
AJ: It just seems like Meta is such a douche. I mean, c'mon... Oh wait, this isn't a roast.
Do you plan on picking up an Xbox One (I don't think you have one, but I'm not sure)? If you do or don't have one, are you looking forward to any games in specific for that console?
PS: Meta sux LittleP's butt.
It's true, he does! Here's a photo as proof!
Haze: I don't have one yet but I definitely plan on picking it up. My xboner fund had to go towards fixing my car (*****ing water pump! and like 5 other goodies). I'm looking forward to a few titles though. Destiny, D4, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Final Fantasy XV, Witcher III etc
I'd name Titanfall too but i'll probably pick that up on 360 since it comes out in March.
I'll probably get a PS4 at some point too (Infamous: Second Son, Daylight, The Order 1886)
Right now i'm content working my way through the ol PS3 backlog.
AJ: I wish I didn't have a backlog on the 360. Every time I turn on an XB1 I just know I'll probably never get to any of those games just waiting patiently on my shelves or hard-drives. Luckily, there's not much out for the Xboner now, so if I can get everything done quickly I can go back for them.
I'm looking forward to Destiny as well, probably my most anticipated game this year, it just looks incredible. Undecided on Titanfall. I'm definitely looking forward to Trials Fusion. Although I'm sure no one else on the site is.... :sigh:
What's your biggest gaming accomplishment, the thing that you're proud of the most, what have you done that no one else has?
Haze: I actually have a lot of success in competitive gaming. Unfortunately it usually only applies to obscure games nobody really cares about! I have been a top "Armored Core" player for a decade. Winning some local tournaments and becoming fairing quite well in each title since it made it's online debut in 2007. I also managed to make it to rank #4 in Brutal Legend's multiplayer. (Not that many people played it)
I guess my crowning achievement of all time would have to be my level 99 Barbarian on Diablo II. For a time it held several statistical records and won quite a few dueling ladders. It was great having one of the best made/geared characters in the world. Of course that came to an abrupt end when my Battlenet account was hacked and looted. Blizzard was absolutely no help at all of course.
...Minecraft is boring as ****...
-Vermillion Haze on Minecraft
AJ: You mean a company didn't care at all about your account being hacked and looted? I don't believe it... Wait. I totally believe it. It does feel good to be on top. But when something like that happens, you just lose all drive. I know that feel, bro. *no homo hug*
I have a co-worker who's still competitively playing Diablo 2, but he's one of those bot players that lets his bots do everything and get him stuff while he isn't even anywhere near the computer. According to him, he's very high ranked, but I don't really count that.
As for Armored Core, I now see why you want Titanfall. Isn't that mech-based? I like the mechs in Halo 4, but hate Armored Core.
So, what do you do for work now? If you mentioned it earlier and I forgot, just go in to more detail about how you despise Meta's face and beard.
Haze: I loved bot players back in the day! You could hop in their games and farm their drops until act 5 then pk them before they can log out (usually for a nice gold profit). Alternatively you could aggro mobs and get them killed effectively costing them all the XP they gained during hours of mindless grinding.
Yes Titanfall is a mech based FPS. It's 6 v 6 (Kind of like gears). Which is more to my liking then giant maps with 20+ players.
I'm currently working tech support for K12 (Online public schools). It's not that exciting but I can troll XBA in between calls and it pays the bills. It's only temporary while I try to figure out my school situation.
AJ: Doesn't sound like a bad gig. I'm sure Mindy will have an IT Crowd reference in the comments after reading that.
Why don't you tell us some of the more memorable calls you've received.
Haze: 90% of my calls are parent who can't do simple tasks. I solve at least one issue a day by reminding someone they need to plug in the computer to get it to work.
You would also be surprised how many people manage to set their computers on fire or blow them up somehow.
As for memorable calls...
Awhile back a parent had called in reporting Malware on their laptop. I ended up having to do a LogMeIn and found literally half the hardrive was filled with Hentai tentacle porn. Needless to say the kid was busted. Humorously his porn folder was entitled "Biology".
Another time some conspiracy nut called in wanting me to "Remove the camera's and hidden microphones" on her desktop because she was convinced we were monitoring her for the FBI.
And most recently I got a call today that made me laugh out loud just by the caller ID. It popped on my screen as "The Pleasure Palace". The call itself was fairly typical except for the whole stripper-homeschool combo. A concerned mother wanting to order a replacement printer for her son. I wonder if the kid did his homework at the strip club or she was just calling from work? Either way I salute good parenting.
After taking a call from the Pleasure Palace, Haze sent this photo of himself with a resume.
AJ: I think The Pleasure Palace just won the spotlight... Could you hear BigP anywhere in the background chowing down on Popeye's? Was the caller Snapple's mom, by any chance? This just opened up a whole new set of questions, I don't even...
Haze: During the convo they played two Lady Gaga songs in the background. I was lip synching poker face while trying to maintain my composure. Sometimes it's hard not to laugh.
Deadly Premonition is one of the best survival horror games of this generation.
-Vermillion Haze on Deadly Premonition
AJ: I don't even know anymore. I think that should just about do it for this spotlight, so get out all your callouts, namecalling, etc. Hope you had some fun!
Haze: Shout-out to Snapples mom, Meta's beard, Heath's blowup doll's (Yvette and Kasumi), Chained's Tifa action figure, Sean's connections (too many to count) and BigP's revolver ocelot cosplay. (We know).
It was fun except for the whole "Talking to AJ" part. I hope the next one is not too far off. HACK THE PLANET etc.
Of course! Shades! Your favorite flavor, too!!!
Keywords: Dirty hobos, rapscallions, 1920s onsies, trolls on a plane, the army will pretty much let anyone join nowadays, not snapple, haha just kidding, no really snapple couldn't get in the army if he paid them
