I'm not gonna lie, Heath's taste in women has really shaped my own grooming habits. For instance, he mentioned a few times how much he loves redheads, so I dyed my hair black and bought some mace.
I'm not the only woman that he has that effect on- I heard his mom actually opted for a c-section when he was born, just to keep him out of her vagina. Women have been maiming themselves ever since, to avoid his attentions.
It's hard to say what really makes Heath so off putting to the female sex. It could be the comic book guy face, or the air of desperation that comes off of him in waves, it could be the fact that he's from Louisiana, where they are just as eager to skin you and dump your corpse into the swamp as date you... It could be his TERRIBLE taste in friends. It could be his apparent lack of education past the 1st grade level. I'm relatively sure it's one of those things. Or all of them. A shower wouldn't hurt him, I think.
But one thing's for sure- if Meta and AJ can get laid, it's just a matter of time until all those truck stops that Heath is frequenting pays off and an overweight, balding john named Ricky agrees to spend his nights in Heath's grandma's basement with him, holding hands and watching really awful anime. Maybe they'll make a sitcom based off his life and call it "How I Met my Stalker," who knows?
Until then, we'll have to be there for him. Not me- and not THERE- but you know. Here. We (y'all) should be here for him. Platonically. If for no other reason than to make ourselves feel attractive.
Love ya Heath- I'm wishing you the best of luck on your search.
I'm not the only woman that he has that effect on- I heard his mom actually opted for a c-section when he was born, just to keep him out of her vagina. Women have been maiming themselves ever since, to avoid his attentions.
It's hard to say what really makes Heath so off putting to the female sex. It could be the comic book guy face, or the air of desperation that comes off of him in waves, it could be the fact that he's from Louisiana, where they are just as eager to skin you and dump your corpse into the swamp as date you... It could be his TERRIBLE taste in friends. It could be his apparent lack of education past the 1st grade level. I'm relatively sure it's one of those things. Or all of them. A shower wouldn't hurt him, I think.
But one thing's for sure- if Meta and AJ can get laid, it's just a matter of time until all those truck stops that Heath is frequenting pays off and an overweight, balding john named Ricky agrees to spend his nights in Heath's grandma's basement with him, holding hands and watching really awful anime. Maybe they'll make a sitcom based off his life and call it "How I Met my Stalker," who knows?
Until then, we'll have to be there for him. Not me- and not THERE- but you know. Here. We (y'all) should be here for him. Platonically. If for no other reason than to make ourselves feel attractive.
Love ya Heath- I'm wishing you the best of luck on your search.
