Re: Advice to a youngster
09/21/09 5:31 pm | #21
Sorry to hear about all your troubles Ab.
Just to give you a hint of what went down with my wife and I.
We were 17 when we started dating, I was an alcoholic pot head, she was a good Catholic, I am Agnostic. I quit smoking pot and drinking for her. At first she didn't want me hanging with my friends, well, because they were pot head alcoholics too. At first I couldn't hang out with any friends who were female. At first, I was massively pussy whipped and went with it, even though we always fought about it.
After 2 years, and a 1 year old son later, she decided she needed time "away"
The breakup got ugly and I went looking elsewhere after a while. I wrote my one and only poem during that time in my life. I also came very close to killing myself in a drunken weak moment, before I had given up on her and went elsewhere.
Anyway, we ended up back together a few months later, and have been ever since. 10 years now, and married for 3.
My point is this part, we got back together under part my terms and part hers. I now hang out with any and all of my friends, with in reason, with the knowledge that if I get back into drugs, it will be my choice of not seeing my kids again. There are some friends who are not friends anymore because they couldn't understand this part. I have a few pothead friends who don't do it around me because they respect MY choices. I can drink when I want, as long as it doesn't interfere with my kids or job. However, now that I'm older, drinking isn't as cool as it was when I was 17. She knows that my female friends are just that, friends, I don't go home to them.
My huge point is this, relationships are about compromises, it's a give and take. My wife would flip if I had a secret phone, because she would instantly think I was being unfaithful.
If you truly love this girl, talk to her. It will work out in the end, IF IT IS MEANT TO BE. She will have to compromise, as will you. You cannot be selfish in a relationship, it's about both of you, not just you, and not just her.
ive had 2...high schools kinda changed me a bit >->