Now I know some of you got excited when you read the "GEARS OF WAR 2 ACHIEVEMENTS" and I'm sorry to tell you that these are not the real achievements....But I was reading them, and some of them are pretty damn funny I think, and I hope you think the same.
Meat Tenderizer - 10 points.
Kill a meat cube in the tutorial
Butcher - 10 points.
Kill a meat cube on Casual Difficulty
Filet Mignon - 10 points.
Kill 10 meat cubes on Casual Difficulty
Soylent Green is People - 10 points.
Be a meat cube on Casual Difficulty
WTF? - 10 points.
Display meat cubes to bewildered audience who is not impressed on Casual Difficulty
Shovel and an Ax - 10 points.
Be a manly man on Casual Difficulty
Stiper - 10 points.
Listen to R.E.M. Discography on Casual Difficulty
Keep it Real - 20 points.
Renounce Microsoft buy out plans on Hardcore Difficulty
Mo Money Mo Problems - 20 points.
Claim company is worth more than market value on Hardcore Difficulty
Fonix? - 20 points.
Misspell Phoenix 5 times on Hardcore Difficulty
Server Search - 20 points.
Ensure that no community exists in other Epic games on Hardcore Difficulty
Too Lawsuit - 20 points.
Win lawsuit concerning Unreal Engine 3 on Hardcore Difficulty
Roadie Run of Death - 20 points.
Burn out your Xbox 360 out on Hardcore Difficulty
What? Again? - 30 points.
Burn out your replacement Xbox 360 on Insane Difficulty
Fuck an Indian - 30 points.
Curse out customer service on Insane Difficulty
No Cover - 30 points.
Break Gears of War 3 embargoes on Insane Difficulty
Games As Art - 30 points.
Using Susan OConnor, construct an argument that games are art
Games As Art? - 30 points.
Using Susan OConnor, construct an argument that games are art, but know the difference deep down
Step Down - 30 points.
Dont respect anyone who didnt beat the game on Insane Difficulty
Playa - 10 points.
Recover one-third of the doo rags (on any difficulty)
Hustla - 20 points.
Recover two-thirds of the doo rags (on any difficulty)
P.I.M.P. - 30 points.
Recover all of the doo rags (on any difficulty)
Eat Shit and Die - 30 points.
Write some fanfic with only marginal literacy level.
Purchase Power - 30 points.
Buy the PC version to fight the Brumak
The Choir - 30 points.
Agree with us when we say that DLC should be free, but resign yourself to buying it anyway
Troll - 10 points.
Cite Gears of War 2 as proof of Xbox 360 superiority (on any message board)
Flames of War - 20 points.
Cite Gears of War 2 as proof of Xbox 360 superiority (on any 10 message boards)
Awkward! - 20 points.
Fanboy out on CliffyB (on any difficulty)
Dont Be Coy - 10 points.
Make vague allusions to homosexuality (on any difficulty)
YMCA - 20 points.
Expose your penis to another man after totally reading the wrong signals (on any difficulty)
No Clever Brokeback Mountain Reference - 30 points.
Make Marcus Fenix and Dominic Santiago make sweet, sweet love (on any difficulty)
Sorry, I didnt know - 20 points.
Accidentally call a real life gay person a fag in a ranked match
F Yeah! - 10 points.
Drop 20 Shawn Elliott memes in ranked matches
Too Much Information - 20 points.
Talk about sex you may or may not have had in real life in a ranked match
Back to the Kitchen - 20 points.
Demand 100 sandwiches from mom in ranked matches
Fuck Obama - 20 points.
Support Ron Paul in a ranked match
Fuck Osama - 20 points.
Describe in detail conspiracy theories concerning the War on Terror in a ranked match
One and Only - 20 points.
Never ever play Halo 3 multiplayer again. Ever.
Fuck off Guys - 10 points.
Defend the honor of 10 females in ranked matches
Bullshit - 20 points.
Deny reports that video games cause aggression, but immediately punch your dog in the face on your next ranked match loss
Stick it to Thompson - 30 points.
Be a minor and play the game
Im Funny - 30 points.
With an obviously false voice, attempt to grief and post the pathetic results on Youtube
Glad Im Not That Guy - 30 points.
Be the target of a mediocre grief attempt
Yeah, I Didnt DO That - 20 points.
Get Fucking Stuck on Fucking Cover, Damn It!
Revenge is the Best Revenge - 20 points.
Submit bad feedback after losing a match
Over the Top 10 Points
Unnecessarily flip your gun up and catch it, when the chainsaw would have worked just as well were you to hold it normally.
Break the Fourth Wall - 20 points.
Write a huge list of fake achievements for Gears of War 2 and post it months prior to release
Hey! Fuck you! Thats Our Achievement! - 50 points.
Kill 10,002 people in versus ranked matches
What'd I Say?! Are These Funny Or What?!
Meat Tenderizer - 10 points.
Kill a meat cube in the tutorial
Butcher - 10 points.
Kill a meat cube on Casual Difficulty
Filet Mignon - 10 points.
Kill 10 meat cubes on Casual Difficulty
Soylent Green is People - 10 points.
Be a meat cube on Casual Difficulty
WTF? - 10 points.
Display meat cubes to bewildered audience who is not impressed on Casual Difficulty
Shovel and an Ax - 10 points.
Be a manly man on Casual Difficulty
Stiper - 10 points.
Listen to R.E.M. Discography on Casual Difficulty
Keep it Real - 20 points.
Renounce Microsoft buy out plans on Hardcore Difficulty
Mo Money Mo Problems - 20 points.
Claim company is worth more than market value on Hardcore Difficulty
Fonix? - 20 points.
Misspell Phoenix 5 times on Hardcore Difficulty
Server Search - 20 points.
Ensure that no community exists in other Epic games on Hardcore Difficulty
Too Lawsuit - 20 points.
Win lawsuit concerning Unreal Engine 3 on Hardcore Difficulty
Roadie Run of Death - 20 points.
Burn out your Xbox 360 out on Hardcore Difficulty
What? Again? - 30 points.
Burn out your replacement Xbox 360 on Insane Difficulty
Fuck an Indian - 30 points.
Curse out customer service on Insane Difficulty
No Cover - 30 points.
Break Gears of War 3 embargoes on Insane Difficulty
Games As Art - 30 points.
Using Susan OConnor, construct an argument that games are art
Games As Art? - 30 points.
Using Susan OConnor, construct an argument that games are art, but know the difference deep down
Step Down - 30 points.
Dont respect anyone who didnt beat the game on Insane Difficulty
Playa - 10 points.
Recover one-third of the doo rags (on any difficulty)
Hustla - 20 points.
Recover two-thirds of the doo rags (on any difficulty)
P.I.M.P. - 30 points.
Recover all of the doo rags (on any difficulty)
Eat Shit and Die - 30 points.
Write some fanfic with only marginal literacy level.
Purchase Power - 30 points.
Buy the PC version to fight the Brumak
The Choir - 30 points.
Agree with us when we say that DLC should be free, but resign yourself to buying it anyway
Troll - 10 points.
Cite Gears of War 2 as proof of Xbox 360 superiority (on any message board)
Flames of War - 20 points.
Cite Gears of War 2 as proof of Xbox 360 superiority (on any 10 message boards)
Awkward! - 20 points.
Fanboy out on CliffyB (on any difficulty)
Dont Be Coy - 10 points.
Make vague allusions to homosexuality (on any difficulty)
YMCA - 20 points.
Expose your penis to another man after totally reading the wrong signals (on any difficulty)
No Clever Brokeback Mountain Reference - 30 points.
Make Marcus Fenix and Dominic Santiago make sweet, sweet love (on any difficulty)
Sorry, I didnt know - 20 points.
Accidentally call a real life gay person a fag in a ranked match
F Yeah! - 10 points.
Drop 20 Shawn Elliott memes in ranked matches
Too Much Information - 20 points.
Talk about sex you may or may not have had in real life in a ranked match
Back to the Kitchen - 20 points.
Demand 100 sandwiches from mom in ranked matches
Fuck Obama - 20 points.
Support Ron Paul in a ranked match
Fuck Osama - 20 points.
Describe in detail conspiracy theories concerning the War on Terror in a ranked match
One and Only - 20 points.
Never ever play Halo 3 multiplayer again. Ever.
Fuck off Guys - 10 points.
Defend the honor of 10 females in ranked matches
Bullshit - 20 points.
Deny reports that video games cause aggression, but immediately punch your dog in the face on your next ranked match loss
Stick it to Thompson - 30 points.
Be a minor and play the game
Im Funny - 30 points.
With an obviously false voice, attempt to grief and post the pathetic results on Youtube
Glad Im Not That Guy - 30 points.
Be the target of a mediocre grief attempt
Yeah, I Didnt DO That - 20 points.
Get Fucking Stuck on Fucking Cover, Damn It!
Revenge is the Best Revenge - 20 points.
Submit bad feedback after losing a match
Over the Top 10 Points
Unnecessarily flip your gun up and catch it, when the chainsaw would have worked just as well were you to hold it normally.
Break the Fourth Wall - 20 points.
Write a huge list of fake achievements for Gears of War 2 and post it months prior to release
Hey! Fuck you! Thats Our Achievement! - 50 points.
Kill 10,002 people in versus ranked matches
What'd I Say?! Are These Funny Or What?!
