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Archived: Advice to a youngster

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Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 12:56 am | #1

I need huge advice guys and would like to hear some incite from my XBA family.
I'm in a relationship that has been going on for over a year and some change now. In the beginning it started out smooth then rocky when secrets she kept from me that were really important to know came out. We always argued over the smallest things like me having female friends and me talking/calling them or me wanting to take a nap. I always over looked things no matter how upset I got because I honestly and truly love her and I want to be with her.

At points(many many points) its come down to me lying to her to keep her from not getting mad or sad. Also there was a few times when I begun yelling and cursing(over the phone, I can't do it in real life I just walk away) which I hate doing and feel suchlike a total asshole doing. I have tried breaking up with her but I'm bad at breaking up( I always get broken up with I never break up with people)and we always end up getting back together a hr or so later.

I have never acted like this before I met her and I've always had calm cool relationships till I get cheated on(which how they usually end). I don't like how any of this is going and I want things to be smoother I have been going through all this for the better/worse part of a full year.
There is much more to the story but....What should I do? What can I do?

Thanks for reading XBA,
Adrian

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 1:07 am | #2

Well for starters, I'd tell her this. Tell her you're tired of putting up with shit and that you can't do it anymore. If she doesn't want to change or likes things the way they are, she's obviously not the girl for you. Other than that, there's not much more you CAN do. Relationships work both ways and need to be worked on by both people. The only person to trust when it comes to stuff like this is yourself. Do what you want, if she cares, she'll try to change. Otherwise, sorry to hear this man.

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 1:16 am | #3

Get out if you can? If your lying to keep the relationship together thats just lead to future problems.
If she is arguing just to argue she is looking for an excuse to break up?
Yeah if you somehow separate yourself from her it will suck but you will eventually be able to live your life not her dream life! This is the hardest part.
Dude the more and more I read your post if this girls name is Jackie, get the fuck out it sound like my wasted college years in a relationship like this.
Thats about all I can tell you. Enjoy your life man don't F it up putting yourself in a bad situation.

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 1:20 am | #4

my relationship was the same way as urs when it first started. all u can do is tell her how u feel. i wouldn go about it how xxtime said but be nice and kind and explain ur thoughts. if she respects u and cares for u she will listen if not it just wasnt meant to be. i did this with my gf and ever since it has been smooth (a few hickups but mostly smooth and on my part) and we have been together for 6 yrs now. just talk it out and if it dont work there are more than one out there.

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 1:34 am | #5

she has changed in a few aspects but reverts back sometimes especially on her time of the month. The lying has gotten bad I got another phone a month ago and she doesn't know about it so she won't txt me all the time while I'm working and shes at school. I know it might sound bad for me to say but me and her are on the phone too much and I don't really like being on the phone for a long time especially if I'm not talking about a thing or if I'm not in the mood but I stay on regardless to please her then when she falls asleep I hang up and then a while later she calls me back and asks why I hung up on her.

I have tried talking to her millions of times and it just turns out to a you don't really love me argument. I can't break up its hard for me to stick with it.

And KSU DS her name isn't Jackie lol

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 1:42 am | #6

with that i would say shes not the one. if she cant respect ur feelings on the relationship it will never end and she will never respect u. it sucks it hear it and to realize it but its not going to get any better. sry man i really am. i kno exactly what ur going through and lucky for me my gf was understanding. shes still a little controlling but much better and i just tell her about it and she will snap out of it.

EDIT: and if thats u in ur pic just look at the bright side. ur not a big slob so ull be able to find someone else. me on the other hand would not be so lucky. lets just say....... i gained some weight since i met my gf :sorry:

:sorry:

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 1:47 am | #7

I've been fighting the realization of everything and when things get bad they get good a day later or so. We just never see each other often and I hate it.

her facebook status: If the love is gone then fkn say it, instead of continuing something that isnt there. Im not stupid.

edit to orange: thats me and her in the pic on here and I have gained and lost and gained weight it varies I mostly gain weight but some how people are fooled

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 1:51 am | #8

just from my experience with this situation i would just tell her its gone. if ur fighting now and fight when u talk about it u will always fight in the future. its just not a healthy life man. i kno u feel like she is the one but if she dont feel the same way there is no forcing it.

this would be a good time for lady evol to hop on and give a womans point of view. but thats my 2 cents. like i said before i went through the same thing but unfortunately for u, ur not getting the better outcome.

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 2:02 am | #9

theres so much more shes muslim and im a non believer her parents would shut that down if they knew about us possibly she loves me she just doesnt think i do

12/31/69 7:00 pm | #10

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Re: Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 6:00 am | #11

Quote by Ab intestato:

theres so much more shes muslim and im a non believer her parents would shut that down if they knew about us possibly she loves me she just doesnt think i do

ahh, heres something where i can help a lil bit

my first gf was also a muslim. at the time, her parents were (and still are) really "good" muslims (as in her dad was kinda religion crazy, idk about her mom) and at the time she wasnt exactly a big/good muslim. my dad is a very big christian, and he doesnt exactly like the muslim views. but he saw she made me happy so he stepped aside and let it run its course. i dont even think her parents knew about me. and tbh, idk what woulda happened if they did. but she ended up having to do the fast and in the muslim rules if you have a bf/gf while fasting youll burn in hell forever (stupid imo but whatever, im agnostic what do i know xD) and so we kinda put the relationship on hold (im a very understanding person so i didnt mind, she was my first gf after all and i prolly would do this wether she was my 1st or my 50th...not saying im going to have that many gf's but yea) but we ended up breakin up during her fast and she decided to become a better muslim (her exact reasoning idk, but now shes decided she wont date till shes 20 lol which i find dumb but, whatev her choice)

and if you think she loves you but doesnt think you love her, then show her you love her. idk how (only been in 2 relationships, neither lasted very long. one 12 days the second 3 days) but just do little things to show how you care. if she doesnt see anything, then i guess you'll have to break up w/ her. or better yet, go meet her parents. maybe that will give her the push to end it, and then its all done and settled...

i really cant say too much, im only 14 and havent been in but 2 relationships but...idk, just my word of advice...

12/31/69 7:00 pm | #12

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Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 2:02 pm | #13

The whole girls as friends thing wasnt like I just met them and started talking to them I knew these people for years and consider them my sisters and I wouldn't talk to them or answer their calls cuz I didn't want her getting mad but sometimes I would still talk them until my girl called.

This is her first and only serious relationship and I really care about her and know she is one of the sweetest and caring person I will ever know but sadly I broke up with her last night and I feel like I made a HUGE mistake but it wasn't fair for either of us to go on any longer me being a lying asshole and her just hating everything(not say that to sound mean but she did she never liked anything anyone did and would constantly say how she hates people and wishes she was alone) this wasn't the chemistry I wanted nor needed and I am wanting a relationship that is serious but it was more to that than just me having female friends she controlled when I went to sleep what I did and how I managed my time, I would be just fine with all of that but it just got to where I was losing sleep, not being prepared for things and lasing out on people . I want to tell her I want her back but I can't continue all the deception and if we were to get back together it would be the same and I can't help but think about later on in life when I encounter her parents I wouldn't want her parents to disown her I love her but I must not let this continue

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 2:20 pm | #14

its gonna hurt for a while until u find someone that u dont have to change for. the way u were explaining it wouldnt have mde it a very unhealthy life for u in the future

Re: Advice to a youngster

09/21/09 3:04 pm | #15

I'm going to try and keep strong and see how this goes but I feel like calling her and making up once again...

Thanks everyone for taking time to read and giving me your 2 cents

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